So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
