We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
