dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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