alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
After tacos, we're chasing women.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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