you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
