You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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