He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize