He is an equal opportunity slut.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
