The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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