i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
