Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize