Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
