after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
