Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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