If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
