I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize