he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
