i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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