i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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