id be glad to
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Randomize
