She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
