Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
