I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
