I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
