I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
