Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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