you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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