you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
