Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
