he puts the penis in happiness.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
