i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
