you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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