So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
