She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
