how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
