In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
