I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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