i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
this boner is exhausting
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
