A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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