Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
