Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
