Cold hands, warm shart.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
