so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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