i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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