I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Ketchup is God's man juice
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Randomize
