either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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