I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I want to be your penis for a week.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
