Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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