I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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