found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
