I CAN MOONWALK!
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
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