You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
