Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize