just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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