He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
