I wish I only lived at night.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize