I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
we should paint friendship bongs
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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