6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize