its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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