I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
