it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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