Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
