yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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