We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
It's blow job season.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
