Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
