i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Alive.
So much puke
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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