guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize