FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
