I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
