Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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