sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
