I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
