So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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