The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
