cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
