A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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