While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
