My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
