the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
