please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
