So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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