I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
