Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
