I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
