True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize