The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
