her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Someone came in the potted fern
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
