New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize