Just fell off a train. Bad.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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