i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
