I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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