if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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