After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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