So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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