I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
