i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
