I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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