just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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