we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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