but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
