I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
