This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
