The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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