Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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