Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
one two three fourrrrnication!
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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