I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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