I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
