"it" just moved
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
