so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
