Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
