So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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