All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
