oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
